Saying NO

Perhaps, the best strategy that I have learned in the past year to manage my time and my life is learning how to say “NO”. Saying no is not bad when used in appropriate circumstances. There are times when we must say no. No to others, sometimes no to ourselves and definitely no to our children. I used to have a difficult time saying no to others, thus depleting myself of what rightfully belongs to me: my time, possessions and self-worth.

Why did I have trouble saying “NO” for the longest time?

I believe my foremost reason is the fear of rejection; I was so afraid of what others will say or even think and how others will view me. Another reason is probably the mistaken notion that I can do the task and fit it in my schedule no matter what. What am I a super woman for? Another reason is not wanting to hurt other people and hating the feeling that I have been mean when I say no to others.

What made me change and what helped me learn this crucial skill?

Perhaps, going through several earth-shattering and life-threatening personal emotional crisis (midlife???) has helped me truly look deep inside myself and reflect on what is important to me. Learning to say no helps us learn to be kind to ourselves. It also teaches people around us, even those we really love and truly important to us (such as our family), to respect personal/individual boundaries. I also realized that anyone who depends on someone else’s approval for his/her own happiness is doomed to a life of misery. And surely, I don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I hate hurting other people’s feelings but I have forgotten that my feelings are quite important too. There is no greater sin than not loving myself.

So, yes. I have learned how to say NO. And it feels soooo good!!!!